Month: November 2013

During the period in my life when I suffered with depression I kept myself separate from the outside world. Day after day, I plodded along, doing what I needed to survive while on the inside I was totally consumed with my suffering. I was completely focused on how lonely, sad and miserable I was.

One day, I got tired of the drama and went for a long walk around a lake in a National Forest. Immersing myself in nature allowed something within me to shift for the entire day. I was completely surrounded by beauty and the wonders of life.  I hardly thought about my suffering, my aloneness, my depression.

While that one outing did not cure my depression, it did open the door to what actions I could take to make myself feel better.  Every day I continued to enter into the natural world.  With each outing, I felt freer and more connected to all that is alive.  Simply watching a mother duck and her babies, or a dragonfly, or the sunlight dancing on the lake brought me happiness.  It was a very good start and a wonderfully positive habit that I maintain today.

This week, remain mindful of how easy it is to feel overwhelmed if all you concentrate on is instant gratification, technology, negativity, and your loneliness. It’s easy to collapse into yourself and your problems. Simply taking time to sit in nature is often just what you need to allow light into the darkness so you remember there is a way out.

There was a time I refused to take the actions I knew were best for me and for everyone concerned.  So I stayed in a relationship long after the lessons I needed to learn were over. I was stuck by the excuses that I could somehow make it work, or get the other person to change, or that I could not break the commitment I made. I bought the fear and guilt based rationalizations until the day I realized I was suffering and everyone around me was too. Not just because of the negative relationship but because we were not taking the actions we knew in our heart were best.

Too often we stay in negative situations for all the wrong reasons. If we know it is time to go then we need to honestly look at the excuses, fear, and guilt we are allowing to stop us from doing what needs to be done.  We must also remember that our actions serve as examples for others.  Do we honestly want the people we say we love to continue to endure what we are enduring? Do we want them to put aside self-love and respect because they do not have the courage to love themselves more by removing themselves from a negative situation? Do we really want to show them how little we respect ourselves by choosing to remain in our suffering rather than choosing to free ourselves?

Often we think we are wrong for leaving or giving up. We need to remember that when a relationship has run its course, we know it beyond doubt in our heart.  What makes us wrong is not leaving the relationship, but continuing to subject ourselves to the negative, to the suffering.

This week remember that loving yourself and others is courageously doing what you must even if that means taking yourself out of a relationship. Yes, moving on hurts. But the pain is bearable knowing that doing what needs to be done to end to your suffering will be best for everyone involved. Even if the other people involved do not change, you have changed yourself by bringing a higher level of awareness to the situation. You have refused to continue to make negative contributions to a relationship while calling it love. That is leading with your heart.

Have you considered that holding onto resentment against those who hurt you in the past is allowing them to continue having power over you in the present?

The people who hurt, mistreated, or ridiculed you have moved on or remain oblivious to the harm they caused.  There is no good that comes from you keeping the pain of the past alive. Take your power back by letting go of what you think they would have or could have done different.  Let go of the idea they should have known better just because you know better.

Accept the fact that people are at different levels of emotional awareness and responsibility. People who hurt others are passing on unconsciousness, which is what they know. Until they have the courage to question their behavior they will not “know” there is a better way.

This week, love yourself more than how you were treated by people who did not have the awareness you do. Since you know there is a better way, let go of the anger and resentment that is only hurting you. Forgive them for they did not know what they were doing so you must do what they could not.  And, if you are continuing to endure mistreatment it is time to begin loving yourself by setting boundaries.

Here is an exercise from my upcoming book that will help you to forgive:

Go to a quiet, comfortable, and safe place where you will not be interrupted.

Think back to the times when you were hurt by the actions of others. Write each instance on a separate sheet of paper.

When you are finished, put them into a bag.

Find a safe place to burn the papers, such as a fireplace, outdoor grill, fire pit, or a clay saucer that is placed on a concrete or dirt surface away from things like leaves or dry grass. As a precaution, have a bottle or two of water handy.

Take one paper out of the bag, and read what you have written. Remember the event, not as a victim of it, but as the powerful person you are now. Feel whatever emotions and feelings naturally come up. Then imagine you are a colander, and allow your emotional attachments to that event of your past to pour out and wash away.

Once you have felt the memories of this event, light the piece of paper on fire, and envision the pain of that event being burned up. See the person who hurt you standing in front of you. As the smoke rises from the paper, envision that any anger and resentment you still carry toward him or her is rising, leaving with the smoke.

I welcome you to repeat the same release affirmation I used, or you can write your own: “I accept this happened and that it is okay to be angry. I also accept I cannot do anything to change you or the past. Your behavior was not my fault, and I am not condoning your actions. By forgiving, I no longer allow you the power to continue hurting me. I am reclaiming power over my life and my thoughts. You are no longer welcome on my journey.”

Repeat this process with the other pieces of paper.