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I love the multicolored twinkling lights that adorn homes and offices. I adore the aroma of warm cookies and sweet treats baking. I get teary-eyed at the sounds of carolers as I am taken back to pleasant childhood memories of doing the same with my friends. I cherish the tinkling of the Salvation Army bell that reminds us of those less fortunate.

I like the confused look on my little dog’s face when I snap a photo of her in reindeer antlers. I love spending a week writing holiday cards, reinforcing my connection to treasured people in my life. I appreciate the Jewish tradition of lighting the Hanukkah Menorah for the Festival of Lights and the heart-based motivation behind the Christmas tradition of God-consciousness being birthed in the form of the man Jesus.

Yes, I love the reverence for spiritual enlightenment, festivities, fun, food and gatherings for the holidays. And I hate the consumerism that is so pervasive this time of year.

It used to be well past Thanksgiving before holiday ads started to appear. Now I am still roaming around in my Halloween vampire costume when the relentless assault begins. The twinkling lights, tinkling bells, and carolers are a mere whisper among the roar of ads for the countless “things” we should wrap up for our loved ones to show that we care.

When did what we buy become more important than standing by?  When did presents become more important than presence? When did “things” become the most important things?

I had to honestly ask myself these questions because there was a time when I had forgotten the reasons for the season and had almost drowned in debt. For too many years, I gave too many presents that were too big for my budget.

From an early age, I felt as if I was molded into being a holiday purchasing machine. I was constantly bombarded by product ads promising to make me and other people happy. I spent much of my life surrounding myself and others with things. So, I got used to whipping out the credit card, without caring how I was going to pay when the bill arrived. Nor did I stop to question if giving and receiving “things” was actually the way to joy or peace. Then one holiday season I had a life-changing “aha” while reading Charles Dickens’s classic novel A Christmas Carol.

When I first encountered Ebenezer Scrooge, I thought he was a despicable individual. He was rich and stingy, angry and miserable, seemingly without heart. He cared nothing for anyone except himself. Despising the poor and hungry, he was a cruel boss who forced poor Bob Cratchit, his ever-loyal employee, to work long hours in horrible conditions, paying him almost nothing.

Scrooge was a dastardly man, yet by the end of the tale he had become my hero. His complete transformation, from mean and miserly to kind and generous, left a deep and lasting impression on me.

The old Scrooge showed me that money, things, and power over others are not the source of joy and satisfaction. The enlightened Scrooge taught me that it is the heart connection we make with our fellow human beings and all life that creates joy and contentment in our lives. Scrooge helped me realize that to “keep up with the Joneses” or blindly follow the “gift giving” standard set for me by a global sales force was a shallow and irresponsible endeavor; one that did not align with the real reasons for the season.

Yes, the holidays are a time when we give and receive. And it pays to remember that the most precious gifts are those that cannot be purchased but come from our heart.

This holiday season, let’s make the conscious decision to make presence more important than presents. Let’s place greater value on standing by, than what we buy, those we love.  Let’s make our relationships the most important thing.

Let’s refuse to equate consumerism with love. Let’s remember that the true motivation behind the holidays is to extend kindness, patience, peace and generosity to friends, family, and our fellow human beings. Let’s remember those whose need is greater than our own. These are the real reasons for the season.

I was brought up in a fundamentalist Christian church in Texas. I was taught God is angry, vengeful and male. As a small child, God was scary and something to fear. But that did not make sense to my soul. So I decided to do my own research, because to me leaving limiting beliefs about the Divine unexamined is really limiting God.

Regardless of what other people wanted me to believe, it made sense if a supreme awareness initiated the events resulting in the creation of everything, then a part of that consciousness must reside in all human beings and in all that is alive.  This means, by design the original creative consciousness bestowed a spark of itself equally in both men and women. Judaism teaches every person (Jewish and non-Jewish) was created b’tzelem Elohim, which is Hebrew for “in God’s image.” For this reason, every person is equally important and has an infinite potential to do good in the world.

One indication a supreme consciousness was placed into male form by male authors and translators of the Christian Bible is found in the meaning of the word Jesus Christ used originally to address the Divine in the Lord’s Prayer. According to the monk Michael Green,

When Jesus lived he spoke Aramaic, an archaic language that frames matters of the Spirit more softly, and perhaps more appropriately, than the truncated Latin, German or English translations of the gospel that are now so much a part of our heritage. Biblical scholars inform us now that when the Son of Mary addressed the mystery of Godhead, the actual word Jesus used is ABWOOM, a term that has always been rendered for us as Our Father, but would be more properly understood as Our Mother-Father-All-in-All.

I hold a deep faith within my heart an infinite loving power exists. To me, it is one who gives birth to all, or our divine parent, or Radiance who shines through all that is. I believe it has no specific gender, race, or ethnicity. It does not exclusively endorse any one person, group of people, or particular set of religious beliefs.

These all-inclusive, positive, life-affirming values allow me to honor the divine spark of it equally in each human being regardless of gender, race, social status, position within society, or spiritual practice. Inclusive acceptance also fosters a deep appreciation for, and obligation to honor and protect, all animals and the natural world.

When we change our view to include the Divine in all life, we can see God in one another and in ourselves.  I believe accepting the Divine cannot be boxed into one form is the surrender necessary for ego to fall away and heart to take the lead. Only heart/soul, the home to our Divine spark, can foster an intimate relationship with the Divine, with ourselves and with all life.

One of the truths I hold dear is this quote by Lord Acton. He wrote these famous words in opposition to the Catholic Church’s doctrine of papal infallibility. Acton did not believe the pope was infallible and issued a caution that anyone in a position of such power can easily be corrupted. In his experience, and mine, power does corrupt. And, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

We live in a time when we are surrounded by corruption.  Holding personal integrity in high esteem has succumbed to a profit driven, winner take all, who cares about the consequences of my actions attitude that leaves a social, environmental, relationship and spiritual chaos in its wake.  We cannot create our best life by behaving in ways that are illegal and morally corrupt. The energy we put out eventually returns to us. So, if we want good, peaceful relationships and to raise our children in a responsible and caring world, we must make being people of integrity most important. We must take a personal stand against corruption, negativity and injustice. It starts by weeding out the negative and unjust in our own lives.

We work hard to stay positive and loving in our interactions with family, friends and the strangers we meet.  We set boundaries against unacceptable behavior and also teach our children to say no to the illegal and unethical. We carefully monitor what we allow into our heart and mind as entertainment.  We educate ourselves on issues rather than accept gossip and opinion as truth. We make a positive contribution to cleaning up the planet and we focus on teaching compassion, respect and kindness for all life. We stand up against injustice, racism, oppression, bullying, abuse and xenophobia (fear of foreigners). We refuse to support anyone, any person or organization (governmental, religious, social, community, business, entertainment, news, etc.) that propagates hate, fear, divisiveness, inequality, genderism, homophobia, war and negative behaviors that keep us divided or justify abusing others.

The world will not change until we change it.  We can correct what is wrong in our individual and collective lives. We accept another powerful truth – all positive change we want to see begins with you and me.

I enjoy cooking, so last Thanksgiving I wanted to prepare everything for the meal. My mother-in-law has been cooking for eighty plus years and I thought it would be a great gift for her to have a break. So when she asked what she could bring I said, “How about you just come and enjoy the day.”  From the look on her face I immediately knew she was disappointed. But in that moment I was only focused on my desire to give her the gift of not having to cook.

Later that day it hit me. While I thought I was giving her a gift I was actually refusing her the pleasure she gets from cooking. I called her and said, “Elsa, what do you want to bring.” I heard her light up, “I’d like to make the dressing and Brussels sprouts with mushrooms, onion and garlic too,” she said with joy in her voice. “That will be wonderful,” I told her.

Thanksgiving is about gratitude and I am grateful to have honored her desire to contribute.  In the end I really did give her the best gift and it gave me so much more joy than the happiness I thought she would get from not having to cook.

Today I want to talk with you about the side of love that receives with the same grace it gives.  I understand completely how good it feels to give to others.  We get such satisfaction and joy from freely giving of ourselves and our resources. What a loving act of grace it is to give.  And, because we know how fantastic it feels to give, why does it seem so hard for some of us to receive with the same grace? Aren’t we denying the giver the same pleasure we get from giving?

If you are uncomfortable receiving, I challenge you to open your heart.  The next time someone gives you something just say, “Thank you.” Put yourself in their position.  Remember how it feels to give and be told, “You shouldn’t have or I don’t deserve this.” You don’t want someone who gives you a gift to feel bad because you cannot accept graciously.  It is love that lets you feel what it’s like to be the one who gives. It is love that also lets you feel what it is like to graciously receive.

Love yourself and others by accepting the gifts you receive with the same grace with which you give. Doing so is giving the gift of respect to those you give to you. Remember a joy-filled heart is one that graciously gives and receives.

This is my little dog and friend, Ruby. She is the eleventh rescue dog I’ve had so far in life. She is sweet and loves me unconditionally. I am so lucky Ruby and the other ten rescue dogs came into my life.  They taught me so many things.

Like what it really feels like to love unconditionally and to be loved the same way. They taught me patience, respect, forgiveness, persistence and the depth of our connectedness to all life. They also taught me animals are not fashion statements. They are not meant to fight for our amusement or financial gain. They are not meant to be breed and abused in tiny cages. They are not objects. They are feeling beings.

They get hungry, tired and lonely.  They get cold, hot, thirsty and scared.  They experience post-traumatic stress. They feel pain and hurt. They are not meant to stay home alone all day. They are not meant to live in chains. They need to be around their people and other life. They reason and think and make decisions.

Of course they don’t reason exactly like us humans but they are smart and can learn. Like us, animals learn and respond best when treated with kindness, when offered praise and when the relationships we have with them are based on patience, trust and respect.

Animals like Ruby know the true heart of people.  In order to be deserving of their love, respect and trust we must treat them with love, patience, compassion and respect.  We do not take our anger out on them.  We do not expect them to be perfect or to reason like a human being.  We do not use them or abuse them.  We do not neglect their physical and emotional needs. We do not puppy-mill them. We do not experiment on them.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” The kind of relationship we have with animals tells people the extent of our greatness too.  We must never forget we human beings are animals too and we must be the kind of animal that respect, cares for and nurtures all life. Or else we’re taking a step back on our evolutionary journey which will in no way ensure our future.

I used to hate school. What a drag sitting in class all day listening to stuff I could not imagine myself ever using. What a dumb ass I was and so many of us are when we’re young thinking we actually know something or don’t need to learn something.  We don’t know squat until we learn stuff.  No school is not for everyone.  But education is for everyone.

Ignorant is not something any of us should choose to be because if we stay ignorant, our kids will be ignorant. If we stay ignorant to all life’s wonders, we’ll think the trash they show on televisions is how happy and fulfilling relationships work.

Knowledge is power and there has never been a time in human history when the world’s knowledge has been available to almost everyone.  Only dumb asses don’t take advantage of learning as much as we can about whatever we are interested in and need to know – like children need guidance and boundaries.  There is no way we can teach children anything unless we have the knowledge within us to teach them.

Yes the school of hard knocks and university of life are great teachers as long as we learn the lessons.  If we’re going through another crappy divorce for the 3^rd time or being expelled again for fighting, or we’re dating Mr. Wrong for the 4^th time we’re not learning are we.

Life is one big classroom just as Oprah says.  Sure a formal education gives us a good foundation to think critically, to investigate to find truth, to meet deadlines, how to smell opinionated bull, and how to work well with other people.  Lots of good things come from staying in school – like a chance at a decent paying job that does not involved flipping meat patties over a hot grill.  Nothing wrong with flipping burgers but there is so much more to life when we open ourselves to the possibility filling ourselves with as much knowledge as possible brings.

No school it’s not for everyone but anyone who truly wants to be powerful and have the best relationships and most well-adjusted children, needs to keep learning and growing and becoming better. Knowledge is true power because with knowledge comes endless opportunity.  Without continuing to learn and grow we hit the wall. But with knowledge we learn how to climb over any wall, any obstacle life brings.

Stay in school. Get a diploma, go to college if you can. BUT regardless never stop learning. Life is a school and the goal is to learn as much as possible about yourself, other people and the world. Knowledge is power but it is also the way to true happiness and fulfillment with life.

Hollywood, Bollywood, and the dark and seedy studios off 3^rd avenue would have us believe sex is love.  We’ll sex is not love.  Sex is sex.  Love is love. Sex with love is fantastic. Sex without love is the porn industry.

We’ll that’s the truth because anyone can have sex.  In fact too many people have sex without thinking about the 1 million and one repercussions from engaging in the feel-good but fleeting bodily fluid exchange.  Who thinks about AIDS, STD’s, or the possibility of having a child when in the throes of passion?  Responsible people that’s who. But not my 13 year old mother. She was not old enough to be responsible.  She did not have the life experience or self-love and self-respect necessary to say hell no, not without protection. Nope just focused on the moment or too inexperienced to even know what was happening. Willing yes but ignorant for sure.

Then 9 months later I surprised her and burst out into the world.  Seriously she did not even know she was pregnant.  I came as a complete and utter shock. So immature and inexperienced she had no clue she was even pregnant. But I am one of the lucky ones.  I was adopted by a couple who wanted me and who had enough education and life experience under their belts to actually raise me.  No, children do not come with an owner’s manual and they do not raise themselves.  So if we do not properly nurture, care for, respect, love and educate ourselves we sure can’t do this for another human being.

Sex is great when the HUGE responsibility that goes along with it is respected and honored.  That is why love makes sex so great.  Love is responsible, caring, kind, loyal, honest, and dependable.  Love is forgiving, reliable, and true.  Love wants the best life for all involved and seeks to get the knowledge and skills necessary to help create that best life.

When the values of love accompany sex then WOW the universe explodes in a Tantric meteor shower of trust and emotional security. And when the values of love are absent, well little Regina’s enter the world, many destined to fend for themselves without guidance, without their dreams supported, and without learning how to create a successful life filled with love, compassion and purpose.

Sex without responsibility is like walking a tight-rope holding a vial of nitroglycerine. Sex with responsibility is magical and a deeply spiritual experience.  The kind of experience we all want but sadly do not get by thinking sex is love.

My parents are big Texas Ranger baseball fans. During a recent visit we were watching a game when two young men ran onto the field.  The commentators took us through the action of security personnel tackling them and taking them directly to jail.

Watching this reminded me of long ago when someone ran onto the field and the television cameras would show the details.  I am grateful television stopped doing that. I guess someone finally figured out the higher wisdom of not giving attention to those who intentionally disrupt and inconvenience so many for their completely self-centered and irresponsible motives.

Won’t it be wonderful when news organizations around the world stop giving the majority of attention to the perpetrators of crime and instead focus their coverage on the victims and how we can learn something from the situation? I believe this action alone will create positive change within our global society.

To help facilitate this change let’s you and I take the lead by refusing to support any person or media organization that hawks speculation and features those who behave negatively. Let’s support those organizations  focusing the majority of attention on how we can best use the challenges we face to change ourselves and society for the better.

We are spiritual beings on great human adventures. We are to love one another, encourage and support each other on the journey of connecting with and living guided by the higher, kinder and wiser part of ourselves. We get bogged down in egocentric minutiae by telling one another we can only achieve a soul-connection to our spiritual nature if they believe what we do or if they have the same image of God we do. These type limiting edicts are not faith based and completely miss the point of a soul focused journey. We cannot create a pure connection to the loving Divine as long as we are unwilling to open ourselves to the expansiveness of God which cannot be boxed into any form. A true connection with soul requires letting go of anything, any belief, any attitude that causes us to judge one another or treat one another with anything but Divine unconditional and accepting love.

We can evaluate one another based on behavior. Is someone’s consistent actions loving, patient, respectful, supportive, accepting, peaceful, non-judgmental, open-minded, etc. We can evaluate (non-biased) someone’s kind and compassionate character or their disrespectful, controlling and condemnatory actions, and still love them. But we cannot tell another person who is living a responsible, caring and productive life they are doing it wrong. Being a person of honorable character is the goal of all spiritual paths.

There are 7 billion plus souls on this planet each created by a Divine source. Whatever way a soul finds that actually results in consistently kind, compassionate, peaceful, responsible, open and honest behavior as a spiritual being who lives guided by love that is the right path for that soul. The goal is to find the right path for us to the Divine rather than judging others because they are not on the same path. Love encourages and supports. Love is the motivation behind a true spiritual path.

I’m curious why some people think other people can read their mind.  I can’t read anyone’s mind but my own, thank goodness. You can’t read my mind either, thank goodness again. We’re not Professor X of the famous X-Men. But there are some among us who think other people should indeed read their minds. That we should just know without any communication whatsoever exactly what they are going to do.

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