Halloween, My Dad and Forgiveness

I was five years old when my dad stole a tiny piece of my candy corn. After making the Halloween rounds with mom, I sat at the kitchen table with my haul laid out before me. Deciding to open my favorite treat first, I placed each candy corn neatly on the table. Starting from the left with the largest piece I continued by size until on my right was the smallest one. It was my favorite and I was saving it until the end.

Without warning, my father swooped into the kitchen, grabbed my tiny favorite and ate it.  I burst into tears. He dropped to his knees, wrapped his arms around me and asked what was wrong. I told him the tiny one was my favorite. He said he took the smallest one because he wanted me to have the big pieces.

The next day my dad brought home two packages of candy corn. We sat across from one another at the kitchen table lining up each piece. After all the pieces were laid out, he gave me the smallest one from his package and I gave him the largest one from mine. Fifty two years later the memory of that exchange with my father is still a sweet treat within my heart.

This week, be thankful for all the pleasant memories you have of your life.  Feel gratitude because by concentrating on the positive you will create more positive.

Namaste,

Stop Procrastinating!

As you may know, I exercise two or more times a week. You may not know exercise is quite challenging for me. It actually hurts. Not because I am fifty-eight years old, but due to having an atrophied right calf and nerve damage from two back-to-back spine surgeries.

Even though parts of my leg and right hip hurt, the rest of my body loves what exercising regularly does for me. I’ve gone from wearing a size 12 to a size 6. My doctor says I have the blood pressure of a young person. I sleep great except for the times my hip bothers me. I can jog/limp up several flights of stairs without having to stop. I have great stamina to get through my busy days.

Regular exercise is beneficial to having the best overall quality of life. And, what is best for me overall is causing my limp to steadily worsen. I can live with that because I have learned often the small sacrifices we make are what help us achieve our big goals.

This week do something you have been putting off because it is uncomfortable.  Maybe that is getting up and exercising. Maybe it is having a needed conversation about a difficult subject with someone you love.  Maybe cleaning out the garage, paying the bills, or organizing your desk is the small sacrifice you must make to have peace and contentment.  Love yourself by doing something you know you need to do.

Namaste,

Boundaries are Healthy for Relationships

One of the most self-loving actions I take is refusing to associate with people who are constantly negative or abusive. No matter if they are family, friends, acquaintances, or co-workers, I do not allow abuse, gossip, negativity, or being treated with disrespect. Love is positive behavior like appreciation, cooperation, honesty, loyalty, patience, support, etc.  So, negative behavior should not be tolerated, especially by those closest to us. 

Yes, it is easier to set and uphold boundaries with strangers. Yet, it is with our family, friends, and those we interact with on a regular basis that we have the most influence.  Our intimate relationships are the ones that are to be most loving and supportive. Therefore, our happiness and peace of mind are worth more than keeping abusive people in our life using fear-based excuses like – I do not want to be lonely, or they will change someday, or I can’t stop being around family. When we set strong and clear boundaries, and those limits are repeatedly ignored, it is time to change the situation which may include removing ourselves or them from our lives. 

This week remember, just because setting a boundary with someone may become uncomfortable for them, and you, does not mean you must back down. Setting a boundary with abusive and controlling people is challenging the power they think they hold over you. To create your best life you must keep your personal power. Do not give it away by feeling guilty or allowing someone to talk you out of the decision you made for the greatest good. In your heart you know it is the right decision. Part of loving yourself is to stay the course no matter what anyone else says. The truth is, if they knew better they would do better.  Since you do know better you must be the one who does better.

Confidence Comes From Within

It may seem to you that I am a super confident person. Well, the truth is I am. And, I was not always completely comfortable being in my own skin. 

For many years I sought approval from outside. I did not want to rock the boat so too often I allowed myself to be treated like a door mat. I went against my values to be liked or to go along with the crowd. I only thought I was successful if other people said I was. I felt pretty only when someone said I was. I thought other people could make better decisions about my life than I could.  But, no matter what support I got or how other people built me up I was never satisfied.                     

One day I realized that validation for who I am must come from within. Only when I look to myself for approval am I genuinely satisfied with the decisions I make or how I look.  Only when I stay aligned with my values do I walk away proud of myself. Regardless what anyone else thinks, my life is a success only when I consider it to be. 

There is a difference between needing validation and wanting support.  Needing someone to validate us is placing the responsibility for our identity and worth outside ourselves. Support is when someone aligns with what we already know to be true about ourselves and our values.   

Grow your self-confidence by remaining aligned with your values. Look to yourself for the honest validation you want. Trust yourself to weigh the facts so you make your own decisions. Don’t wait for someone to tell you how wonderful you are. Take the lead in supporting yourself because when you are your own best friend and biggest fan you will truly feel loved and that is a super confidence builder.