Author: Regina Cates

Someone once responded to one of my posts on Facebook –  the only education really worth having is that of personal experience. Reading books and going to school was not important to him.

While the personal experience each of us receives from the university of life and school of hard knocks is useful, so is the experience of others shared through books, periodicals, articles, and in educational settings, whether those are formal or casual.

We do ourselves a HUGE disservice by thinking we know all there is to know or  that we will personally experience everything in life necessary for us to make the best decisions that impact us and other people in the most positive ways possible.  To some ignorance may be bliss, but I’ve found it is continuing to learn that expands the boundaries of what we think we know. If we do not persistently seek knowledge we become a prisoner of our own egocentric mind and the thoughts it creates. And, simply because we think something does not mean it is real or true.

At one time the world was thought to be flat, our universe was the only one around, there was no electricity, running water in homes, internet, cell phones, vaccinations against disease, etc. I am grateful our ancestors did not settle for only what they thought in their own minds to be true or depend on just their own personal experience.

Intelligence is not about the degrees we hold but the willingness to admit we do not know everything and to seek knowledge. For me the smartest people are those with an eagerness to learn from their experiences and those of others. I for one enjoy learning from the experience of others which helps me grow so I can live my best life and encourage others to do the same.

Recently my mother went grocery shopping at the Kroger’s in Marshall, Texas.  After getting home and putting all the groceries away, she went to put something in her purse. She looked everywhere. Her purse was not in the house or the car.  Then panic hit when she realized she’d left it in the basket at the store.

She rushed back to the market and straight to the customer service desk. The nice lady behind the counter immediately retrieved her handbag saying, “Someone found this and turned it in.” My mom went through her entire purse and not one thing was missing.

Mother was so excited to get her purse back but at the same time a bit disappointed that she will never know who the honest and kind person was who turned it in. She told me today the only way she has to say thank you is to pass it on with a random act of caring and kindness.  I look forward to hearing how she chooses to do that.

I am often asked if I ever get angry. You bet. Recently someone forwarded an email to me that was hate-filled and judgmental. It was one of those things you see passed around the internet with photos of certain groups of people with sickening, ignorant and disparaging comments. It made me want to scream for two main reasons.

First, the person who sent this did so without thinking that by forwarding this type trash she is actually condoning the message and participating in cyber-bullying.  If she stopped to feel what it is like to be the people who were the subject of the photo essay she would be appalled with her behavior. Second, there is absolutely nothing positive that is gained from spreading stereotypical condemnations of anyone.  It’s not innocent or funny or cute. Spreading these type immature and unconscious vilifications actually supports the continuance of ignorance and divisiveness.

Ladies and gentlemen we CANNOT create our best life if we do not think before we act. We must ask ourselves how it will feel to be on the receiving end of our behavior, even if that is forwarding an email. We must have the heart to put ourselves in the position of other people. So what if someone is not like us. Thank goodness we have been, by Divine design, made as individuals unlike anyone else on earth.  What we do share is a heart that is connected to each other so we can feel what we each feel.

It is time you and I stop allowing those within our intimate circles to believe it is okay to send us these type messages.  We must set a boundary, not to change the unconscious and unfeeling, but to change us so we lead with our heart to support our fellow human being’s differences rather than blind prejudice. We must treat others as we want to be treated and be the example of how to create our best life by living aligned with love.

Yes I did set a boundary. Yes I was kind when I clearly and directly asked that she never send me anything like that again. No, I am no longer angry.

My mother taught me to smoke cigarettes.  Of course it was not her intent to do so. But each time she lit up I learned by her example that smoking was okay, even though she told me over and over to “do as she said rather than as she did.”

The problem with “do as I say not as I do,” is that 80-90% of all communication is non-verbal. That means our behavior is vastly more influential in teaching others than our words.

One of the most important things for us to remember is that what to value and how to behave appropriately must be taught. You and I have the responsibility to be a positive example for others of how life works best, especially children, because they learn from watching us. So if we do not intentionally teach them how to behave and what to value they will learn on their own through television, video games, the internet, movies and their peers.  With something as important as values at stake, we do not want to leave their character to chance. One way to be a positive hands-on example is to remember it is our actions that teach.