Author: Regina Cates

You and I make mistakes. If you are like me then we do not intentionally intend to hurt people when we make an error. We are not acting maliciously. It just happens that there are times when our behavior is not perfect. Not a big surprise since we are not perfect. Neither are other people.

I believe the majority of people we encounter in daily life who make mistakes are not trying to intentionally hurt other people. So when someone hits our car, or runs a red light just as we’re about to walk across an intersection, or lets go of their shopping cart and it rolls into our parked car, I do not think the majority of people “intend” to do it.

This is important to remember when we encounter challenging situations in life. We experience less stress and upset when we remember that sometimes we make mistakes. Rather than going to the automatic place of “you should have known better,” we take a deep breath and remember there are times we mess up to.

For many years I worried. About my job, relationships, family, the future, of going to hell, other people’s opinions of me. You name it and I worried about it. But worry was like a heavy blanket that smothered the life out of my present. And, not once did anything I worried about come true, or if it did then the outcome was a fraction of the degree that I imagined it would be.

Worry does not control the future. Worry does not prevent life from hurting at times. Worry is a useless activity that sucks the joy out of us.

I taught myself to stop worrying when I started striving to end each day without regret, to not go to bed angry, to control what I can control (me), to prevent what I can prevent, and to have faith in something greater than myself to handle all the rest.

Often I receive emails from people who say, “Regina I just can’t” …do whatever it is they want to do to rid themselves of suffering.  Honestly who says we cannot?  A fearful mind that has a mind of its own. That’s who.  We tell ourselves we can’t and we believe it.

Not once did accepting an excuse (it’s easier said than done, or I just can’t get it together, or I’m trying, or what does it matter anyway, or I can’t …etc.) help me lose weight, stop gossiping, stop smoking, stop cutting myself and others down, stop allowing myself to be mistreated, etc. Excuses did nothing to help me create a happy, responsible, stress-free life. The excuses I made were attempts to justify why I was choosing not to make the changes I knew I needed to. Excuses gave my mind permission to beat me up. Excuses robbed me of my power.

I took my power back to create the life I have when I stopped accepting my own excuses. No, it’s not always easy to follow through and take the necessary action. But it is the only way for me to get from point A, the goal I want to accomplish, to point B, accomplishing the goal.

YES YOU CAN! Step one – stop accepting your own excuses.  Love yourself more than that and make yourself take the actions necessary to reach the goals you set for yourself. There is no one coming to your rescue. YOU must be your own hero!

When I was young I was taught there is a hell where we go after we die if we are bad while alive and a heaven if we are good.  As a little girl and young adult I lived in constant fear. The images of people suffering and burning haunted me when I was asleep and while I was awake. I once threw a gum wrapper out of the car window and was certain I was going to hell. I lied to my mom or took $5 out of my dad’s wallet without permission and was certain I would burn for all eternity. Overall I was a good kid who was convinced I was doomed from the start. It was an absolutely horrible way to live.

One day in my late teens I got fed up with living in fear and said, “Screw it! I am already in hell living in such fear and dread.” That day I realized how much of my religious upbringing was focused on controlling me through fear. But that did not make any sense to me because fear never aligned with the loving, supportive, forgiving God I knew in my heart/soul.

So I began questioning everything I had been taught to believe. Yes, there may be an all-powerful source to which I must answer to when I die, but I have not feared it in years. I decided to live each day striving to be the best person possible. Not from fear of punishment or expectation of reward. But for the simple fact that doing my best each day keeps me from living in hell now and that allows me to experience the peace and love of heaven while I am very much alive.