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Confidence is an Inside Job

Little Knight

Do you feel like you are your own person? Or do you feel insufficient without someone to complete you? Do you fear being abandoned? Or are you okay being on your own? Have you established your own worth? Or do you seek approval from outside yourself?

At one time, I had no self-confidence. I was insecure, needing other people to validate my existence. I would try to fix other people or completely lose myself in relationship. I sought approval from outside myself. I needed someone to complete me.

I was afraid of being abandoned. I clung to friends and the people I dated so tightly I smothered them with my insecurity.  In the end, every one of the “I must have you in my life” relationships ended.

At the time, I did not realize the fear of being abandoned had nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me.  I discovered other people are not responsible for always staying with me. I am the only constant in my life.  So my fear of abandonment, while rooted in childhood, was really about how I was abandoning myself.

Each time I did not stay aligned with my principles and values and went along with the crowd or allowed people to abuse me, I abandoned myself.  When I was financially irresponsible, or went against what I knew in my heart was best for me, or looked to someone else to make me happy, I abandoned myself.  WOW! What a wake-up call to realize the entire time I feared being abandoned, I was abandoning myself.

I have not feared being abandoned for many years.  I cannot make other people stay in my life, and it is not comfortable to have people who are clingy and fearful of being abandoned in mine.  I am the best friend and biggest supporter I’ll ever have, and my happiness and peace are the result of remaining true to myself by behaving with impeccability. When I accepted this, I released the fear of being abandoned.

Love yourself by taking time to uncover who you are and what you really want from life. Self-confidence comes from being comfortable marching to your own music, creating your own style, and refusing to just follow the crowd. Self-confidence comes from ending dependency and fears of being abandoned by not abandoning yourself. Self-confidence comes from refusing to waste time attempting to get other people to change. When you wisely invest the same energy in making the necessary changes to yourself, you will be comfortable in your own skin.

Self-confidence comes from being okay knowing there is no one coming to your rescue. Be your own superhero, your own knight in shining armor, by accepting this reality: A healthy sense of self-worth comes from knowing confidence is an inside job.